Time to go.

It's 2:30 am. 

We fly out tomorrow for our big adventure.  But also, tomorrow we say goodbye to Austin, our oldest son and big brother of the family.  He is heading out on an adventure of his own and even though we've known about it and planned on it for many months, the reality is sinking in.  I've been crying  - a lot.

How on earth am I going to handle this? 

I'm really not sure.  As of right now, not very well. 

The kids are all excited about travel plans. They know we will all have fun adventures, so they're trying to put on happy faces but they are also very sad and anxious about the huge changes we are facing.  They worry about not having any friends.  They worry about not being able to play their favorite video games or ride their bikes...but those worries are pretty easy to resolve.  

Some things aren't though. Some things in life are just hard.  They're so sad to leave their puppy.... and most of all, their brother.  And so am I.  I sure hope I can hold myself together long enough for everyone else to hold themselves together. I'm gonna do my best. Not making any promises though. 

Today has been one of the hard days in this journey we've decided to go on.  It's been a day where I second guessed myself and this crazy idea I had about running off and exploring the other side of the world. It's been challenging to think of all the things we needed to do to get to this point, and then execute them. I hope I've thought of everything, but I'm sure I haven't.  I hope we will all have life changing experiences and adventures.  I hope everyone at home is safe and happy and that our wandering family and wandering backpacker will be safe and happy.  I worry that I haven't thought of everything, because most likely I haven't. I worry that there will be problems that come up with our kids, our business, our travel, our health... and there probably will. I have worked myself into a worried mess.  I was so anxious all day today that I couldn't even eat.  I was nauseous and jittery and teary. I have been so worried about all the things.  

We will handle those things as they come though and hopefully learn a lot along the way.

That will be part of the journey.

I'm gonna miss my boy desperately and at the same time I'm so proud of his courage to go see the world and gain his independence in an amazing way.  I know he needs to spread his wings.  This time was coming, whether it was going to be backpacking in South America, or going away to school somewhere, this time was always coming.   I was just never ready.  Not sure I would ever be ready.  Sometimes we have to face things we aren't ready for to prove that we can handle them.  So I'm going to do that. I'm going to say goodbye to my boy for a little while and then watch as he fills his life with adventures and amazing experiences.  I'm going to be cheering him on every step of the way.  Because even if I'm not ready, he is, and it's time. 

 I don't feel ready to take off tomorrow for full time travel.  But Austin has prepared and we have prepared and it's time to see how all this planning is going to turn out.  So, the Wandering Destination Family will begin to wander... in less than 12 hours.  

Ready. or. Not.

Up, up and away.  Stay tuned.